Why We're Not Fully Montessori
There are many aspects of the Montessori philosophy that align with my beliefs about child development. We’ve adopted many of the guiding principles in our home, yet I wouldn’t say our parenting style fits into one particular box. Instead, our family values and beliefs align with bits and pieces from several parenting philosophies: respectful, gentle, Montessori, whole-brain, wild + free, etc. so we gather from the best, continue reading and research, and created a blend that feels best to us.
This post shares parts of the Montessori philosophy that don’t align with my personal beliefs regarding child development. If you’re new to Montessori and would like to learn more, The Montessori Baby or The Montessori Toddler is a great place to start!
For context, M attended a Montessori school for a few months before schools closed in 2020 and we moved her to a different preschool in the fall. As with any school, the individual teacher is what truly makes the difference and when her teacher moved, it was no longer the best fit for us.
BOOKS
Montessori philosophy believes in featuring realistic books so children are better able to make connections with their world. However, as a reading specialist, that felt very limited and left A LOT of really great fiction books out of the mix. There are incredible benefits to both types of books and given that there is zero research regarding this Montessori philosophy, it’s not something we follow exclusively.
You’ll notice I share a selection of wonderful board books with real photographs for babies, primarily because this is most developmentally appropriate for that age. But I also share books with talking animals because they provide opportunities for imagination, creativity, and important lessons. Any book you and your child enjoy together is great! Let’s take the pressure off and simply enjoy the experience.
LEARNING LETTERS
Montessori’s early literacy approach disregards letter names and teaches letter sounds first, then utilizing movable lowercase letters (often in cursive) so children are able to build words. This is based on a strong foundation of phonics where children build words (encoding) before actually reading them (decoding).
As a reading specialist, this is a big one for me. When M began preschool at Montessori, I spoke with the teacher and head of school about this topic and they were unable to locate any research regarding the Montessori approach to literacy, as was I.
ARGUMENTS AND RESEARCH IN FAVOR OF TEACHING LETTER NAMES SIMULTANEOUSLY:
In a study comparing each approach, children who received both letter name and letter sound instruction learned significantly more letter names and sounds than children in the letter sounds only group (Piasta, Purpura, & Wagner, 2010).
Providing letter name and sound instruction appeared to override the limitations of phonological processing in learning letter sounds (Piasta, Purpura, & Wagner, 2010).
A study by Ehri found that children who could recognize and name letters learned letter sounds more readily than those that could not.
Teaching them both simultaneously has a positive effect on reading speed and helps children grasp the alphabetic principle.
Children receiving combined letter name and sound instruction showed accelerated letter sound learning of CV and VC letters.
Letter names are consistent. The letter name A is always A, but the letter sound of A can vary (long, short, or r-controlled, such as ate, apple, car).
Letter names are essentially labels for the visual and auditory categories of letters. Providing labels for concepts facilitates learning.
SCREENS
The Montessori approach does not agree with using screens before age 6, and while I certainly understand the benefits (seriously impressed if you’re a screen free family) and do not endorse screens for babies 0-2 years old, my kids get screen time most days and I’m okay with it!
One show after nap-time allows them to transition while I get some things done around the house. We’re all happier for it and I’ve noticed my kids have adopted a lot of great lessons from Daniel Tiger, like “enjoy the wow that’s happening now” or “take four deep breaths” or “work together, you’ll feel proud.”
Recently, my 4.5 year old started watching Fancy Nancy and her vocabulary has exploded! She regularly uses words like exquisite, prompt, condolences, and parched.
I also don’t know how I would have survived months of extreme morning sickness without extra screen time. It was a season, we took a couple weeks off of screen time to recalibrate, and then went back to one show after nap time in the afternoon. It’s wh
TOYS
Have you ever seen a true Montessori shelf? The toys or “works” as they call them are gorgeous woods with very minimal color. The rooms are clean, calm, organized, and designed for little bodies. It’s an incredibly respectful environment that encourages PLAY, independence, and freedom to move - something I am 100% for! However, when we brought home our first, we were living in military housing that looked less than Pinterest worthy. We incorporated most things like open shelves, nontoxic wood toys, and lots of floor time, but definitely utilized big baskets and added more colorful toys and puzzles through the toddler years.
My girls love unicorns, princesses, baby dolls, and art. I’d much prefer to follow their interests than force subdued wooden toys and blocks on our shelves that don’t get played with.
Some things I do agree with: less toys, less clutter, open-shelves, child-size table, toy rotation, developmentally-appropriate toys, non-battery operated toys
SHARING
Rather than forcing toddlers to share, Montessorians believe we can help them take turns, or ask them to work together. The reason being, a child who is working with a toy (or material) should be given the time they wish to have to concentrate and enjoy it. Makes sense, right? Try "It looks like ____ is using that ___ right now. You can use it when they are done with it" or “___ is using that right now. Let’s find something else for you to play with.”
If the activity is something that can be enjoyed together, you can also ask the child playing with the toy, “Would you like to play with ___, or would you like to play by yourself?”
Both feel extremely respectful to me, foster deeper play, and build patience and regulation skills. I’d say this is our approach 90% of the time. However, I also want my kids to have generous hearts that observe others feelings and choose selflessness. Developmentally, this is too abstract for children to truly understand until closer to age 5-7. We’ve been modeling what this looks like in our house and my 4.5 year old is growing in her empathy and desire to help others. Bottom line: sometimes, it is great to share!
SLEEP
One traditional, and sometimes controversial, component of the Montessori environment is the floor bed. The mattress is on the floor and the room is completely baby-proofed. Personally, I believe a bedroom should be free of toys and used only to signal sleep. Once baby starts moving, they have the freedom to crawl out of bed and explore their room. While this approach has worked successfully for many families, it was too anxiety-inducing for me. We use a bassinet/crib and keep baby in our room for most of their first year.
POTTY TRAINING
Babies start to develop awareness of their bodily functions around a year, so many Montessori families begin introducing potty learning shortly after, providing opportunities every day at home to practice wearing underwear (or going bare) and using a little potty.
I believe “clear is kind” and children crave consistency and predictability! Sometimes wearing a diaper and sometimes wearing underwear at such a young age can be confusing. We followed the Oh Crap, Potty Training approach when my kids were around 22 months old. It took 3 days and felt extremely respectful and developmentally appropriate.