3 Tips for Including Your Kids in Chores
Inviting children to help around the house provides valuable and practical learning opportunities that also help to develop cooperation, responsibility, and community.
Rather than using a chore chart or rewards chart, which only emphasizes extrinsic motivation, we want to encourage the skill of paying attention and then acting. Many call this acomedido. It’s not just doing a chore or task because someone told you to; it’s knowing which kind of help is appropriate at a particular moment because you’re paying attention, which ultimately fosters cooperation, empathy, and intrinsic motivation.
Here are three tips to foster these important skills by including your kids in chores around the house.
3 Tips for Including Your Kids in Chores
TIP #1: HELP THEM GET STARTED
The tasks that we do on a daily basis and consider “second nature” can be challenging for young children that haven’t done them before.
Incorporate fun where possible
Play a song while everyone cleans up
Play basketball and shoot soft items into a basket
Instead of pointing blame, which can discourage creative play, try something silly “Did a squirrel climb through the window and dump these blocks? Oh my. We better put them away and lock these windows so we have room for ____.”
“How many blocks can you pick up with your eyes closed?”
Encourage their efforts rather than saying “good job”
Learn more about cultivating a growth mindset
Talk about it
“In our family, we help each other.” This is a phrase that we repeat often at home.
Make it part of the routine
When we make helping a part of our daily rhythm, it becomes natural and engrained. In our family, certain tasks are the kids’ responsibility every day:
putting shoes and coats away (picture of low hooks)
feeding the dog
wiping up spills
tidying toys
putting dirty clothes in the laundry
Provide a suggestion if your child is having trouble.
Sometimes a playroom can look very overwhelming. Help out with statements like: “Put all the blocks in this basket. I’ll work on this section.” or “Let’s all pick up 5 items.”
I also find it helpful to have a basket near the stairs to collect things that need to be picked up and brought upstairs at the end of the night. Having one central location for random items makes it easier for everyone and manages the mess throughout the day.
TIP #2: AVOID DISCOURAGING LANGUAGE
It can be tempting to take over a task because you know you can get it done faster, but then your child misses the opportunity to learn! The more positive the experience, the more likely they will be to help in the future. Here are some things to keep in mind to prevent your kids from getting discouraged about their chores:
Practice clear communication and expectations
Be patient. Skills take time.
Model it: Children learn most through imitation & hands-on activities.
Keep their responsibilities consistent
Keep perspective - remember this is a valuable learning experience
Avoid criticism
TIP #3: LET THEM PRACTICE OFTEN
“The first step to raising helpful kids can be summed up in a single phrase: Let them practice. Practice cleaning. Practice cooking. Practice washing. Let them grab the spoon from your hand and stir the pot. Let them grab the vacuum and start cleaning the rug. Let them make a bit of a mess when they are little, slightly less of a mess as they grow, and by the time they’re preteens, they will be helping to clean up your messes without you having to ask them—or even running your entire household.” ― Michaeleen Doucleff, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans
Invite your kids to practice chores by making them feel involved in the activity as a family. Instead of “Put away your plate after dinner” or “Fold these dish towels”, try framing the tasks as a communal activity, such as “Let’s all work together to clean up the kitchen after dinner” or “Let’s all help fold the laundry as a family. We’ll get it done faster if we work together and then we can go play.”
BONUS TIP: COMPLETE CHORES WHILE KIDS ARE AWAKE
I choose to do chores while my kids are awake for several reasons:
It gives me time to work during naptime
It’s a practical learning opportunity that I don’t have to prepare
It teaches responsibility, community, and appreciation. They see how hard we work as a family to take care of our things and each other.
If they choose not to help, they can play independently, which is incredibly valuable for their development
practical learning experiences:
Match socks
Fold dish towels
Chop fruit and veggies (I like these kid safe knives)
Transfer laundry to the dryer
Sort clothes
Feed the dog
Empty the dishwasher (after I remove the sharp/heavy items)
Hang coats up (Add command hooks to the inside of door at your child’s level)
Put shoes in basket
Clean glass door/window
Clean outdoor furniture or play toys
Help make the bed
Toddlers are naturally eager to be involved, be near us, and to participate in our day to day activities. What we might find a tedious chore is a fun experience for a toddler that adds so much value to their development and prepares them to be more independent with their chores/responsibilities in the future.
